Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own life. From an outside perspective, based on my study of human behavior, my choices make sense. If I saw somebody else in my position, making my choices, I could explain them. When I am told accounts of my life, things I've done that I don't remember, I can accept them. I don't remember that, but it's in character.
But I am not outside my life. I am inside. These thoughts are my thoughts. From my own perspective, from a knowledge of the thoughts inside my head, rather than the events that have happened, my choices do not make sense. Did I choose them? Really? These are the choices I would have made? So I feel like a stranger in my own life.
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Your thoughts change as your actions change. It's called consequence. Or maturity. I don't know. There are certainly things I would do differently now if I had them to go back to. Did I, the gentle grandmother, really scream at my sons? (Yes, but not often, I hope!)
ReplyDeleteDid I, who cautions my sons to take their time gettng to know a woman, really get engaged after 2 weeks?
Am I really fat? Do I overeat that much? apparently, but the inside me is skinny and attractive.
We change, our choices change, and the old ones no longer make a lot of sense, but maybe seeing that is part of developing who we are now.